threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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