the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
