if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
COCAINE IS GR8
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
