So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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