i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
