And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
