oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize