he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
