I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
