dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize