Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
