I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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