I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
