I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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