was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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