we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
