Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
