I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
