TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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