grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
