She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
