Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
