i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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