I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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