You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
