she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize