been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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