i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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