i was born a porn star she said
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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