She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
