Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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