Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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