I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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