just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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