I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i need some magic done to my vagina
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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