I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
