You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
