dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
