just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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