his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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