Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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