I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
