my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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