someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
