I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's never too late to be topless.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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