I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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