i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
