the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
