My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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