i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize