What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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