First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
