Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
