Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
