Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
