hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
