I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
