...so i touched it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
