So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
