Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
