i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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