Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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